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Sarmistha is probably the strongest critic of all time.She gives the term “honest opinion” a different meaning altogether.And me,with all the brainwaves I get all through the day,have faced some of the worst criticism from her.Normally,the reaction is,”How can you come up with such crap??”.Very rarely has she acknowledged a good idea.But when she does,she gives out that wide,beaming smile and says “You’ve told me.Don’t tell anyone else.What if they use it ? “

I get so carried away by such compliments that I keep on churning out crap with even more enthusiasm.But by now I kind of know the rules with her.One of the most important one is that you never tell her anything when she’s waiting for the food to arrive.She’s invariably in a foul mood,then.Always tell it to her after she’s finished with her food,and so naturally is in a nice mood.

So,the other day it had been half an hour and she was waiting for her food to arrive (and I for the volcano to erupt any moment now !!) Meekly, I said “Sarmistha,how’s this for an idea ?….” I begin to explain .Meanwhile,her food arrives.She begins to attack the food . I am busy explaining my idea.When I am done,I ask,”So…how was it ? “

Without looking up,she says “Oh…its great ! “

Of Bulbs,Holders and the Economy !!

I just cannot do household work.The usual stuff that men are supposed to do. Like changing bulbs,tube lights,repairing switchboards etc.I pity the girl who is going to be marrying me in future.She has NO idea whats in store for her !!!

I grew up in a hostel.There were people allocated to do the job.After I left the place,I never bothered to learn.I remember an interview in which Shabana Azmi was complaining about how Javed Akhtar never does any of the household work.And Javed Akhtar replied saying,”See.If you have a deer,do you burden it by making it carry clothes ? No.You use a donkey for that”.I couldn’t have agreed more.Come on,we are creative people.We toil with our brains.The physical chores can be left to mundane people.Why bother us with the trivial stuff ?

But I also have another explanation.India is a growing economy and unemployment is a rising concern.And in our attempts to masquerade as omnipotent Do-it-Alls,we are robbing young electricians of a livelihood.If everybody started repairing their own stuff,what will happen to the millions of electricians in the country ? Its only people like Javed Akhtar and Yours Truly who keep their egos aside and give other people a chance to feel worthy,earn a livelihood,earn self respect and contribute to the nation’s progress.You can do all that just by refusing to change the bulb.So what if the wife thinks you are a wimp ? You have got the larger interests of the nation in mind.

Today,my sister asked me to change the bulb.Balancing gingerly on the arms of a wooden chair (to avoid getting a shock !!) ,I tried to fix the bulb in the holder.As I looked back in satisfaction and asked her to switch on the bulb,it fell down and smashed to bits at her feet.

“Pupu,this is the second bulb you have broken”,she said.

“Its not my fault.The holder is screwed”

“Yeah right.I forgot. The evil bulb holder.As soon as a person tries to put a bulb,it spits it out ,trying to smash the person’s head !!” she replied.

I think some of my sarcasm is rubbing off on her.But in my small,humble way,I have done my good deed for the day.I have helped a young man earn his livelihood today.

Back to school-part 3

My classmates are such lazy bums.we were in parthi for 3 days and the only time they seemed enthusiastic to do anything was when we had to go the stores so that they cud hog on the pizzas.if they had their way,they’d lie in bed all day.not that i am any different,but u want to do something after sometime.there’s mukesh(http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=13879919431321855841). ask him to count upto 50 and he’ll fall asleep before reaching 25 !! then theres mohanty (http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=912084913067452439). he had sprained his foot and was dying to eat pongal.and all the others were busy ogling at this south indian actor called Shreya.There are two things that our class guys can do forever.One,trouble Chandan.And the second,stare at Shreya.”Man.just look at her….I could stare at those all day.”,says Mohanty.Thats when I decide,we HAVE to go to PS.I had already watched Shreya danced with fat,mustachioed actors for 3 days now.as always there are some sceptics.we had already been there last year.we had snaps of last years’ pics.only a few teachers there recognised us.it couldnt be any better than last year,rite ? WRONG !!!!

This time when we had gone to PS,we realised that the kids there had become much smarter.One of the guys said,”Brother,u look like Suneil Shetty”.(Not to me,the maximum i can manage is a shreesanth !) he told that to Shivram(http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=15477054785678027695), I guess.Anyway,so i said ”Oojaaar, u took a film actor’s name aa? ”.He says ”He was in Phir Hera Pheri.they showed us that movie.” so he could take his name !!Another kid showed us how thy smuggle in toffees these days. They stuff at te bottom of those white ‘Vaseline petroleum IP’ jars and smuggle them in.After he showed the process,i wondered if it was all worth it,only for a nutrine maha lacto !! Its such a pleasure to talk to those kids.We asked them who was their favourite teacher. “Seema mam !!” they shouted.then i asked them “who’s the worst teacher?” there was a silence.they looked at each other.One of the guys moves his lips.it wasnt audible,but i could bet on the huge Vibhuti on my forehead that he was saying ”Sheshukumari mam”.We also asked them ”Who’s the strongest God?””Shiva”.one of them said”No.Hanuman.he can carry mountains.””But Shiva only gave him power,ok?”The only place where u’ll find kids fighting over who’s the most powerful God.Dear old PS !!

One kid asked KSS ( http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=7087856872831756250) to dance for him.But since we were in the Old prayer hall or there were teachers around, he couldn;t do it.But that fellow has remembered the kid’s name and class and will dance for him next year. Talk about being obsessed with oneself !!We took a lot of pics with them.Its still the same.Every class has got the one smartass who always gives wisecracks for answers and makes everyone laugh.And there will be this cute nepali kid,and the ‘rowdy’ from Orissa.and there will be this silent kid named ”Kodanda Ram” or something. His Vibhuti from morning Darshan would still be intact and he’d be ”best in Vedas”. !!!And those kids are damn sweet,man.Even Mohanty(http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=912084913067452439 ) thought they were sweet.Beat that !! They guy thinks physics problems on Aerodynamics are sweet.And he thought the kids were really sweet.While we were leaving, a kid calls him to a side,slips a toffee into his pocket and says,”Brother,you have it and share it with your friends.”We were all shocked to silence. These kids were too adorable to be true !!

Back to school part- 2

after that,HM aunty asked us to have lunch in the school itself.(KSS is like,”SHR,if we’d cum yesterday itself,we cud have had breakfast,tiffin,lunch,everything here itself).we asked aunty if we cud visit d classes.she said “okay,but dont go to the girls classes”.u cud see the disappointment on the guys’ faces.we went to see the dorms before having lunch as it was still 11 AM.firstly,we went to the primary wing.the corridor still has the same smell…the hoardings that were there(theres this one of a woman.sum1 says “she’s my mom.she’s my daughter,she’s my wife….”).the classes are still named “amartya,Agyana,Aruna” sumthng,i dnt remember).sheshukumari mam is now the class teacher of I-A.prema sister(mam,whats the time?”Time is God”) of II-A.guess which is the best class?…Seema mam’s of course.we went to her class and it was like disneyland.on the board was written,”Keep ur clothes(sports clothes)neatly on the desk”.her handwriting is like calligraphy.we took snaps with mam and after that went to see the other classes.all of them were pretty much the same.there was this class(IV-A),as soon as we entered,the guys stood up and said “sai Ram brother…”and one guy was ready to give a speech.we shud have known….their class teacher was Anantalaxmi mam.

after that,we go to the dorms,they are all pretty much the same.they’ve got cots these days in all the dorms,so they cant play cricket,towel-hockey and other crazy games.tulsi amma is still there.she remembers no one,but she always seemed extra-terrestrial to me anyway.In the 3rd-4th dorm(bull amma’s kingdom),banians are hanging on the strings and underwears on the windows.The bathrooms are now tiled.The dhobi box is full of dirty clothes.the dorms seem conjusted somehow.the prayer hall with the pics of Swami is the same.the tortoise or wotever is still there.there are around 7-8 idols of Ganesha on the “brothers” side.The harmonium still works but the tabla is a different story altogether.After that we go the dining hall for lunch.the menu is paneer curry,chapathi,curd,rasam and that red mango pickle.we chant bramharpanam…(dinesh doesnt know the lines and is fumbling,mukesh is re-writing the upanishads with his own version).after that we start hogging lik wild pigs.kitchen aunty is ready to serve us how many ever helpings of paneer curry.but as we’d earlier agreed,all of us took our chapathies,dipped it in rasam(the top part),and ate it.

BACK TO SCHOOL

MNK suggested that we go 2 PS.but i was like “pack off”(LINGO).cozwe’d gone 2 senior hostel and the sirs there cud barely remember us.and then thr wer rumours tht Muni Unty had been reading all our posts in orkut and wasnt happy about them.but finally we met S.Vijaylaxmi mam after bhajans and she asked us to come to school.so then we decided to go…PS also hasnt changed.there was that sevadal room and there was a notice pasted on it.”NO PARENTS MEET TILL JANUARY 11TH,SPORTS DAY” in seema mam’s neat handwriting.and that muslim postman with a long beard still gives the letters to PS.(sorry abt all the intricate details,guys.but i seriously luv the place).then we went to the school.the Krishna statue has been painted and the honeycombs have been taken off.he’s lookin as chubby as ever.the pond with the 3 nude angels covering their unowot with pots is still there but thrs no watre in it anymore.u can only find brrom in it.and remember the 3 steps tht wer thr frm the lobby?now its a slope instead.and guess who shud we meet 1st on entering the school but bull amma(wearing the same old dark maroon saree).strangely,she doesnt look that intimidating anymore.in fact,she looked pretty kind…..till a 1st std. guy came in front of her and u cud see a transformation,”Yaaaeee,go bite ra,donga sanyasi blah blah blah…”.all the memories came flooding back.standing here and being checked for toffees after parents meet,crying after our parents readmitted us aftr holidays and whn friends teased us,saying “sumthng fell in my eyes,yaar”.every1 of us was dumbstruck,we culdnt say a word.(except tht idiot KSS,of course,who was busy ogling at sum1).slowly,we entered the school…..

as soon as we entered,we saw warden aunty sitting on the chairs in the lobby.she’s not active as before,but get on her wrong side and she can still pack a punch.(I know,i was there!).we asked her if she still served chapathies(YUP!!!she does.later on Prasunna mam told us that she used to keep aside the larger chapathies for d 7th std. guys).The lobby’s also the same.to the left,u have the 4 houses & to the rite u have the photos of a couple along with the sign “SARDA CRAXI BLOCK”.children are playing around in the lobby.some1 complains to manorathi mam,”mam he;s pinching me,mam…..”.we are asked to go to the dining hall.NOW….how many memories attached to this place.unlike the senior hostel where d dining hall tripled up as prayer hall and video show hall and XII std. guys’ bedroom,the gud part abt the PS dining hall is that its meant xclusively for hogging.the quoatations that Aarti aunty had painted are still there.the pest-o-flash above the food counter,the brown colour plastic glasses,the plates,the mats that we stuffed chapathies under,the division between “brothers side and sisters side” where the buckets of rasam and the kettles of milk r kept,the “pantries” as we called them.HM aunty was sittin on the platform for teachers’ food.its strange,but even now i kinda get scared…coz all thru my school life,i had only gone to aunty when there wer sum cases.but this time she was all smiles.”Sai Ram bache”.now if i had to xplain what we felt at that time,i have to post at least sum 20posts.coz,these people are amazing.(even though we guys keep on cribbin abt various aspects of d school,visit it again,n u’ll see small things like buffalo’s milk after mornin darshan dont matter at all).she rememberd everybody!!!!by their name,place,gender(obviously)and pranks.as soon as she saw us,she started off,”U r mukesh,u r dinesh,naveen,then she pointed at me……oriya rowdy.BINGO!!!.

LIfe is going on….slowly,at a grinding pace.BY the way, i was reading aakash’s post,and i was really happy.i had inspired him to blog and now hes addicted to it.chalo,at least some gud things we do in life.18th was my borthday,and it was as uneventful as the rest of my days.i really should start blogging more often.but then,coming to a cafe and blogging is not a sane idea.and this bloody heat.already 22 people have died of heatstroke in the last week.summers suck !!!

I can never look good in pics.NEVER.aakash will vouch for this.and if things cant get worse,guess what ? M has only 1 pic of mine ,and its my worst EVER.and she gave it to D a few days back,and yet again I am reminded of the harsh realities of life !!!!anyway,life is now at a standstill,and as if things arent already very distressing,I have to scrw them up even more.!!!

I seem to notice that all my blogs seem very sad…as if I am this male meena kumari. So if anyone is reading this, please guys, I am not a dukhi atma. Its just that I maintain so many diaries. I have got this journal, then the standard diary and then the diary for ads, so I guess the only time I get to blog is when I am depressed, and going by the number of posts in the last few months, I think I must be a pretty happy guy !!!!!

By the way one of my friends suggested I read this blog called “Girl with a one track mind”, its supposed to be this hugely popular blog written my a girl, using a pseudonym, and it got so popular that media people started stalking that person. The blog is now going to be a book. Anyway I read it, somehow it wasn’t all that great. I mean, it was about this girl who thought of sex all the time and kept ranting about why no guy took her seriously. Hmmm…i wonder why !?!?!?!

anyway,as for my life,i am just back from pune and the interview stank. i mean,why cant a guy from bhubaneswar be good at advertising.the panel went on about how they had their doubts about whethere i was “up to date ” with the ad world.haha.and their guys from pune were simply kick-ass!!!! there was this guy who’s sittin next to me ,asks ” who is alyque padamsee?”. so much for bhubaneswar.another question they asked me in the interview was “what is the cost of placing a half-page ad in a newspaper ?” now ,firslty,why the hell should i know that if i am following advertising ? and then what about little details like which paper,which page,what ad ?but then how could i ask? i was supposedly this small town kid whos lost in the big,bad world of advertising.haha!!! but going by the questions put to the other guys,i guess i cant complain.there was this one guy who was asked “whats the cost of the biotech industry in india? beat that !!!

they also asked me to name any famous ads of the world.i fumbled and answered “i like the marlboro ad…” only to realise later that ad was voted as no.1 on the most famous ad icons of the century !!!! just my fucking luck.

anyway,pune was good,except for the extreme temperatures.i stayed with murty bhai,whos an absolute sweetheart.another thing that really surprised me was that his parents are looking fora gal for him,and having a tough time.i cunt believe it.he is 30 +,well settled,has a flat in pune and is good looking with a sense of humour.no wonder i think gals are kinda dumb when it comes to picking guys.i mean if i can have a girlfriend,girls should be fighting for him by now !!!!!

Life is dying a slow death

I know I sound like a loser,but i dunno why nothing,ever seems to go well for me.My relationships,my work,no fucking thing at all.

i think dreams are a bad thing.coz i never have nightmares.my dreams aer colourful,bright like the sky.but reality is like a page from “the hindu”……in black and white and dead boring.
Why do guys who work the hardest never get the thing they want?right in front of my eyes,I see crap flourishing everyday.and its not jealousy.its sympathy.coz they think they are good coz they meet with success,and they live in the proverbial well.

Is that why they say great things are in store???so,when are the great things gonna come off the shelves?If this is struggle,I love it.

I fucking love every fucking bit of it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SEEMS GOOD………..

At last,differences between me and satyaki are kinda sorted out.i thought they never would be.we have our economics exam tomorrow and we have studied like zilch.he is busy sleeping while i am screwed here,neither feeling sleepy nor feeling like studying.God knows how exam will go tomorrow.Sumit and Chandra are studying together.hope chandra helps me in th eexam.his roll no. is right behind me.God,help me.

Childhood ………..

man,i miss my childhood.i dunno how it is with other guys,but i just hate growin up.why cant we be children forever?like that story in Pandora’s Box.That was cool.No school,no studies.only playing.i dunno if this is the hallmark of a loser,but responsibilities gimme the creeps.And imagine a country where u r forced to get married by the age of 30!!!!!!!!!!!!Hardly have u started living,they ask u to stay with 1 girl all ur life and then after 2 years,u have irritating kids who piss and crap all around u.But u have to say,”oooooohhhh,how cute they are!!!!!Pissing on my files!!!”.Man,WHat a life???????

wish everyday was like a sunday.no worrries,no studies,no MBA,no placement,no world economics,no Bush screwing Saddam,no nothing.

AWESOME DAY……………..

Last night was awesome.saki,me and sumit stayed in the hostel and had a ball.we laughed and laughed for more than 5 hours.finally went to sleep at 2 AM after 5 hours of unadulterated crap.All the hostel guys are pissed off with us coz we ruined all theirplans to study.

Valentines Day approaching and i dunno what to gift?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?this system sucks.why shud guys always gift?why cant girls be the ones supposed to gift?of course i have shamelessly avoided gifting for the last 2 years.

This frnzy abt Valentines Day gives me the creeps.I think the only people who enjoy on this day are Archies and hallmark guys.ather than that,the Day is same as usual.And what with the sob-sob movies that they show on all the channels.Yuck man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DISGUSTING…

was wondering if there cn be anything called true love?when can u say i am in love?when u keep on thinking abt someone?that may be lust.when u hold hands?again,raging hormones.can there actually be a person for whom u r willing to lay doen ur life and ur dreams and ur aspirations?doesnt that make u someone with low self-esteem?If someone else’s pleasures and someone else’s happiness can mean so much to u,doesnt it mean u r lost inside?

and for those in love,is it a compulsion that u have to only love a single person at a time?why cant love be treated as an indulgance?u can have more than one,so why is it that marriage is treated as the ultimate culmination of love?and why do u have to sacrifice one for the other?then can u say that u really were in love?u were weak so as to let it go…….

When i am doped…….

10th February,

Me and Sumit had doped and we realised that whatever we were saying at that time was what was actually our most innate thoughts,our ambitions.Sumit went on babbling bout wanting to host his own show on animal Planet and i went on and on abt ads.

Sometimes,i wonder.whats required to make it big?????only passion?coz i have been dreaming abt this since my childhood.work my balls off for 2 fucking years and then get struck off coz i have no credible work-ex?!?!?!?!?!so,whts required?some luck?or fucking barrels of it?