WHY I HAVE A MOUSTACHE

The world, as I have known it, has always been against moustaches. If you so much as go unshaven for a week , people (and especially girls) will go “Eeeeeeeew, kya ho gaya hai tujhe?”

So here, right now, I am speaking for the millions of people who have moustaches, but dont have the right answers to questions like “Eeeeeeeew, kya ho gaya hai tujhe?”

Reason 1: Real men have moustaches.

Since times immemorial, from mythological men to the present day, moustaches have stood for strength, valour and personality. In India, it has always been manly to have a moustache, and there was a certain pride to having a moustache, till of course, David Beckham came along.

To further prove my point, let us take the example of two men from our mythology. Indra and Narakasura. Narakasura, like many of his asura brothers, was a much-moustachioed man. Legend has it that, he had 16,100 wives.

Indra, on the other hand was clean shaven. His apsara, Urvashi left him for Vishwamitra, someone who was not exactly clean shaven.

Go away, lady! I know my moustache is sexy and all, but I got work to do.

Gillette claims that 89% of women prefer clean-shaven men. I don’t know where they got the data from, but something tells me the survey wasn’t done in South India. Real men have moustaches. The owner of the most famous moustache in India, Veerappan, ironically had trimmed his moustache, and he got shot dead.

Reason 2: Moustaches keep children and irritating girls away

Intelligent, mature girls like men with moustaches. Not the type who say “LOL !! ROFLMAO” on cute puppy videos. In fact, a moustache works like an Odomos if you want to avoid such company.

The same goes for children. The worst kind of cute children are those who know they are cute. They are so used to being cuddled, that even if you go near them, they’ll stretch their hands out, waiting to be ‘goo-goo-gaa-gaa’ ed.

Here’s where a moustache comes in handy. Not only will the child run away from you, it will imagine you as the monster who’ll carry him away if he doesn’t eat his food. A moustache is for those who are focussed on their target audience.

Ain’t no children coming near that !!

Reason 3: A moustache makes your partner look better.

Since the world is so prejudiced against moustaches, and since ‘looks’ depend on perception, having a moustache makes your partner look great in comparision.

Imagine walking into a party with a girl. The people (who obviously donot appreciate the finer things like moustaches) will first look at your moustache, and then notice your partner. “Eeeeeeeew, what is she doing with him?”, they’ll wonder.

This automatically elevates the girl to a higher position in the relationship, and gives the requisite amount of feel-goodness required. To further prove my point, have a look at the two pictures below:

I am just trying to play the devil’s advocate here, but with whom do you think she looks better?

Hoping I have proved my point, I rest my case.

I do not have to hunt for the razor in the morning, I do not look like a pickpocket when I don’t shave, and I am cool with the 89% women who like clean-shaven men. My target audience is the remaining 11%, and thankfully, we have a huge population.

Call me what you want, I am a moustachauvinist. Remember, with a mooch, you are one letter away from a smooch!!