Leaves

A recent report revealed that India is second in the list of employees taking sick leave from work. Hardly surprising, I tell you. What’s surprising though, is that China was number one (So that’s another thing that we have to beat them at. Damn!).

I don’t know about the Chinese. May be its because the medicines there are Made in China and so not very effective. But India, I can fully understand. I mean, we have issues, man.

Firstly, there is the traffic and pollution. Walking on road in Delhi in peak time can make someone sick. Then there are is television. IPL, CL, Rakhi ka Insaaf, and that Ramsay film on Zee Cinema that begins at 11:30. How can you expect someone to wake up in the mornings and report to work?

In such circumstances, what does one do? Who do the corporates turn to, in order to make Indian employees turn up at work? May I offer a solution:

Sunny Deol.

Yes, that man with the 2.5 kilo arms who hates the dogs of Balwant Rai. Him.

I know you’ll think it absurd. But I have my reasons, and I shall state them below:

Anyone in India, and also the Pakistan Water Supply Board will vouch for the fact Sunny Deol doesn’t take bullshit. He can take a train to Pakistan, fill coal by himself, kill badasses, uproot tubewells, say ‘Pakistan Murdabaad’ in front of their Army officers, and come back with his wife and kids. Are we still talking about credentials here?

Now, we’ll come to the motive. Any of you who have watched Border will know that Sunny Deol doesn’t like people who take leaves. Those who haven’t  watched the film may kindly watch this clip.

There is a slight lag between the audio and visuals, but that could probably be attributed to the fact that Sunny Paaji’s actions are faster than the speed of sound.

In the clip, there is this guy called Mathura Das, whose leave has been sanctioned and he wants to go home. Sunny Deol barges into the room, drags him out into the desert, and gives him such a dressing down, the poor guy begins to curse the day he got married.

Now, what corporates should do is contact Sunny Paaji and ask him to work for them. Sunny Paaji is relatively free these days, considering he is not churning out cinematic gems like Teesri Aankh – The Hidden Camera and Jaal – The Trap. There is of course, Ghayal Returns releasing in 2012, and conspiracy theorists have begun to study the link between that and the end of the world. But apart from that, Sunny Paaji is free.

So they should do one simple thing. Give him a line. Any employee who applies for leave, should first make a call to Sunny Deol and explain to him why he needs a leave.

Problem Solved.

"sir, I need to go home...

"Really?"

"Sir, there is a problem...."

"Ayeeeeeeeeeeeee.........

"You ask for a leave one more time...just one more time...."

"...and I'll fire your ass from here to Lahore"

"Fuck my life!! There goes my leave."