Can a Feminist say ‘Behenchod’?

Feminist. The word and it’s connotations have acquired such a contrived meaning today, that I cringe every time I hear the word come up in discussions. Instead of a term that is supposed to denote equality in professional, political, and social matters, the word has come to signify a strange, imaginary sect of women who believe that men are assholes. A woman who smokes and drinks and sleeps with anybody she comes across.

You’ll find many such heated debates on the comments of articles by the Slime of India. Surprisingly, all of these guys will cry hoarse about rapes in the country, demand that the rapists be castrated in public, hanged, or quartered. But ask them about feminism, about equality between men and women, and they launch into a diatribe about western values and aping foreign culture. Equality with women is probably too lofty an idea for Indian men to envisage, and thus this hatred towards the F word.

So much that I hardly bother to correct people’s opinion of it anymore.

I have been a feminist for as long as I can remember. Of course, it is difficult to be a feminist when you live with 1200 other boys, and the only woman you interact with is a septuagenarian Hindi teacher. But my post school years opened my eyes.

I wish I could say that it was due to my family. That my folks were a liberal, forward thinking, set of parents who believed in such ideals. Sadly, that’s not the case.

It really is due to the women in my life. All of them have been fiercely independent women who took no bullshit lying down. Who stood up for what they thought was wrong, who were strong willed and told me off for being patronising and chivalrous. I dare say I learnt more by living with them, than a Masters in Gender Studies could have taught me.

Which then brings me to the topic of swear-words.

Swear words have always been an integral part of any language. In adolescent years, most of us use swear words as a rebellion. Because we were asked not to use them by elders and teachers.

And every time the word was used, there was a sense of rebellion, of adventure. Like when a character says ‘Voldemort’ in the Harry Potter universe.

I have been reasonably good with languages and dialects – managing to pull off a conversation in five languages, and being able to comprehend a few more. And everytime I embark on learning a new language, it is the swearwords that fascinate me.

Swearwords have been in existence as long as language has. Swear words add colour to a language, a sign of comfort between two speakers – for we always use them with our equals (or those under us). Using a language without its swearwords is like adding salt and pepper to Maggi noodles, while discarding the sachet of Magic Masala.

The most colourful usage of swearwords that I witnessed was in my paternal village, Balasore. Transcending lines of gender and race, the lingo is Balasore is uniquely tailored to ensure easy swearing. This is done by simply adding the suffix ‘choda’ to anything. Screwed up while sitting on a chair? You’re a chair-choda. Stepped on a frog? You’re a Bengo-choda.

Every language I set out to learn, I ensure I have a grasp over the swearwords first. But then, there’s the troubling fact that all abuses are centred around women.

Like historical wars (or modern riots, like the one for which our revered Prime Minister was not responsible in any way), the recipients of anger are always women. Subjugating women, attacking them, or comparing a man to a woman, has always been the modus operandi. So a behenchod, or a motherchod is not an innocuous swear word floating about harmlessly, but the remnant of hundreds of years of the patriarchal society we lived in.

I have always wondered how the word motherchod came about. ‘Mother’ being an English word, the right equivalent should have been matruchod, or mamtachod (but more of that on another blog).

So how does one deal with the patriarchal baggage that popular swear words suffer from? Here’s where another line of thought jumps to my defence.

That swear words and their meanings are not cast in stone. They evolve over time, acquiring meanings of their own. The word ‘guy’, which simply denotes a boy/man, began as a derogatory word with references to Guy Fawkes. A few decades ago, using the word ‘hell’ could land you in trouble. Today, English teachers use it when you interrupt the class.

So swearwords aren’t linked either etymologically, or colloquially, to any one, definite meaning. Their meanings take the shape that the users want them to take.

As a mini project of sorts, I have begun to compile a list of gender sensitive swear words that can be used guilt free. I plan to sell them as an iOS app for 20$ and buy a Royal Enfield someday.

But I am a firm believer that the usage of a word consistently, over a long period of time, distorts the meaning of words. It unyokes the words from their violent and problematic pasts.

And yet, like the guests on an Arnab Goswami show, both these lines of thought are too timid to convince me about the value of their statements.

So I’m still confused. What do YOU think?

Can a feminist say ‘Behenchod’??