Baigan ki Biodiversity !!

Dear Participants of the Conference of Parties (CoP) in Hyderabad,

You wouldn’t know this, but about a month before you guys landed here, the government was working its ass off trying to impress you. The roads were cleaned up, beggars were driven away so that you don’t think we are a poor nation, and small shops that sell paan and cigarettes (for loose, unlike in your countries) were sent packing.

But don’t fall for all that. That’s not the real Hyderabad.

I am assuming you guys were put up at Novotel in Hitec City. Do something.

Take an auto-rickshaw. Begin by slashing in half whatever price he quotes. Then ask him to take you to the parallel road next to the Hitec City Road – from Kondapur to Mehdipatnam. That’s the real Hyderabad.

You’ll find the city is not just another metropolitan city with white and grey shades. Its got a lot of colour – the yellow of the autos, the green from the mosques, the brown from the roads, and a myriad of other colours that make up Hyderabad.

Since you guys are interested in Biodiversity, you should watch the roads carefully. You’ll find lots of cows on the road, the cliché of Indian roads that films love to show. But in fact, look down for a bit, and you’ll see they are bulls. You see, cows are considered sacred in India, but bulls have no special place. So they are left on the roads to fend for themselves and die.

You won’t find many birds in the city, even sparrows have more or less vanished. There will be, of course, lots of crows. And stray dogs too. It is estimated that there are about 12 lakh stray dogs in the city, and they feed off open garbage bins and the generally weak sewage and waste disposal system. But instead of having more dust bins, the government every now and then kills many of these strays. Come on, surely it’s not our fault that those dirty little things aren’t as evolved as we are?

You’ll also find an amazing number of rocks and hills along the roads. But these are mere remnants.

Hyderabad has rock formations that date back to 2,500 million years ago. However, all the swanky malls and roads that you see today were built after destroying most of these rocks. The same seems to be happening with trees in the city. The more the buildings in the area, the lesser the trees.

And lakes! Hyderabad once had about 3000 lakes. Can you believe that? 3000 lakes in a single city. Today, there are about 150 of them, and they face a serious threat too. Illegal buildings, encroachments, flouting of rules by real estate developers, have all led to this problem. You see, we all want ‘Lake View Apartments’, and that makes areas near lakes prime property.

Of course, the government must have shown you the seemingly beautiful Husain Sagar with Buddha standing serenely in the middle. But don’t be surprised if in a few years you find Buddha covering his nose! The Hussain Sagar is a mucky, dirty lake. Till a few years ago, all the shit, sewage and waste went into the lake. Plus, we have this festival called Ganesh Chaturthi, where we create huge idols of Ganesha and dump them into the lake. Only someone with the calmness of Buddha can take all the dirt and stench.

As you move into the older parts of the city, you will find that the cars and the office buildings and swanky malls belonged to a different Hyderabad. This is the invisible half, the one that doesn’t show in brochures or websites describing the city. Here, the roads are dirtier, and the people are poorer. But of course, you wouldn’t know that. The ‘Hyderabad Darshini’ bus takes a detour so that you don’t have to go through the trauma of seeing the real city.

As evening sets in, you will find people lining in front of liquor stores, and the city starting to smell heavenly. Have some biriyani or shawarma (Remember in the final scene of Avengers, when Iron Man says he wants to eat some shawarma? That’s the one!).

When you return to your room, you will feel dusty and tired. But rest assured, you have seen the real Hyderabad.

Don’t go by the bullshit the government gives you guys. That’s not the real Hyderabad, that’s Hyperabad. Hyderabad is in the Old City, in the smell of food and scent of ittar. In crowds in front of booze shops at ten in the morning, and in Irani cafes sipping chai. That’s the real Hyderabad.

Yours Truly,

A frustrated smoker looking for cigarettes in Hitec City.