How to make a multiplex film – by Imtiaz Ali

Thanks to the presence of what we love to call the Multiplex Audience, we can now defragment our films and audiences into two types – the urban, intelligent, seemingly ‘cooler’ films, and the ‘masala’ potboilers that are supposed to be enjoyed ‘while leaving our brains at home’.

Imtiaz Ali has been a hero of the Multiplex Audience. He makes a comeback this time, with a film that is titled ‘Cocktail’, which, if you think about it, only the urban audience can understand the meaning of. The rural audience might mistake the film to be a beastiality blockbuster, involving a tail and a…you get the point.

I read a lot of criticism about the film, and finally got to watch it yesterday. And here are my learnings from the film:

It is quite easy to make multiplex cinema. You just have to strictly follow some formulae, add some songs, stir, and serve chilled. And then chill. Hit hai, boss!

So, here are the rules you need to follow to make a Multiplex film.

1. Cool Boy hero: The Multiplex film is incomplete without the Cool Boy hero. The cool boy hero wears tight T-shirts, cool shades, and hangs out women half his age, you know, because he is Cool Boy. Petty things like what he does for a living, who sponsors his cool shades and tight T-shirts, and how much tax he pays to the government, are minor avoidable details that do not need to be talked about.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saif Ali Khan plays the Cool Boy hero in Cocktail. It’s a totally fresh approach, something we hadn’t seen in Hum Tum, Kal Ho Na Ho, Salaam Namaste, and Love Aaj Kal.

 

2. Love Triangle: The Multiplex Audience loves Love Triangles.

This trend is said to have begun since the release of 1985’s Teri Meherbaniyan, a passionate tale of love involving Poonam Dhillon, Jackie Shroff, and a black Labrador (link to a ‘touching’ song from film).

Puppy Love: The Poster of the iconic film.

But before we stray away from the topic, we need to focus.

So, Cocktail has a love triangle too. Cool Boy and Hot Chick and Behenji. Cool Boy, in a shocking move, opts for the Behenji instead of the Hot Chick, totally taking the audience by surprise. The Love Triangle helps make the most obtuse scripts into acute love story, and the writers of the film don’t shy away from using the tested method in ‘Cocktail’.

 

3. Punjabi Family: We in India love Punjabi families. After all, apne toh apne hote hain.

So, the hero belongs to a Punjabi family. The sole reason for the existence of the Punjabi family of course, is to make people laugh by saying funny things, and doing clumsy stuff. The Punjabi family members will of course, pronounce ‘petrol’ as ‘pay-TROLL’, and ‘sexy’ as ‘SAXY’, because that’s how everyone there pronounces stuff, no?

The women of the Punjabi family will have only aim in their lives – to get their sons and daughter married to a soni kudi and sona munda. Cocktail has Dimple Kapadia playing the Punjabi mother, who cries a lot because she is going through ‘Man-o-poss’, and who wants to see her son married to a cultured Indian kudi.

 

4. Women will be Women: Women will be subjected to intense introspective questions about their morals, and will have to look at themselves again, and this will be decided by the hero’s choice in women.

The hero’s choice in women, of course, will be the well-dressed, demure, shy girl. Deepika Padukone’s character Veronica, has clearly not watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, or Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar. Once Cool Boy hero chooses behenji as his soul mate, she goes through a metamorphosis. “Save me from this world,” she says, as she pleads Cool Boy hero to walk with her into the world of marriage, mother-in-law, and mangalsutra.

Once she sees that Cool Boy has chosen the other one, she changes her dressing, her habits, cooks food at home, and even prays in front of a statue of Krishna. In short, her whole life, turned topsy-turvy, for the guy who was sleeping with her till yesterday, and chose her best friend today. Womens’ Rights, zindabaad!

 

5. Epiphany Moment: The Law of Multiplex Cinema states that “There will be a moment of Epiphany in the film, where the hero realises that he loves the simple behenji. This moment shall be shot in slow-motion, and with lots of close-ups.”

True to its genre, ‘Cocktail’ also has this moment of epiphany. Saif Ali Khan, who till then has all the charm and emotional maturity of a water buffalo, has his moment of epiphany with the behenji.

Immediately after that, he becomes sensitive, caring, and emotional. He speaks to the woman softly, tells her he could drown in her eyes, and tries to solve her problems. Once you have reached till the Moment of Epiphany, the momentum you have picked up will be enough for the film to roll downhill and crash happily into the…

 

6. Happy Ending: “All’s well that ends well,” said William Shakespeare, after watching Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge. So naturally, the film happily stumbles on till the Cool Boy hero ends up with the Behenji, after taking the blessings of the Hot Chick. The Hot Chick, however, has not just given her blessings to the couple, she has had her own Moment of Epiphany, and has transformed into a girl of morals and values, as is clear from the fact that she now wears bindis and dresses up in modest clothing.

 

Bas, add some sufi songs, some foreign locations, a few comic scenes, and you have a heady cocktail, ready to be consumed by the multiple audience.

Hic!

I mean, Hit!