Why I thought Rockstar was a crappy film…

When Imtiaz Ali made ‘Socha Na Tha’ in 2005, I knew the film didn’t stand a chance.

But I still wanted to watch it for two reasons: 1. I thought it would be interesting to watch another moron coming out of the Deol stable. 2. I had seen Ayesha Takia in Tarzan The Wonder Car and some albums, and…how do I put it, I had two soft corners in my heart for her.

But when I watched the film, I was quite surprised. The film had no melodrama, it was just a film about two normal youngsters falling in love – nothing pathbreaking, but nothing brain-insulting either.

Since then, Imtiaz Ali has made a string of enjoyable films. I liked Jab We Met inspite of what people say about it, Love Aaj Kal was manageable. It was only then that Imtiaz Ali decided to go epic.

Firstly by signing Ranbir Kapoor – easily the largest star among the new crop. Secondly by signing on AR Rahman in a film about music. And finally, and the most important point – by calling it ‘Rockstar’. The third one, according to me, was the biggest blunder.

I know that the film was a huge success, but to me, it was the weakest of Imtiaz Ali’s films. Here’s why:

 

The Premise: The film begins off with Janardhan being told that he has to experience pain in order to become a great musician. I mean, is the guy a 15 year old or something? Who falls for something like that?

And far from merely believing him, he makes it his life’s ambition. Which ruins the whole point of being a talented musician. I wonder what pains did Udit Narayan have to go through to become a singer (apart from the fact that he married twice). And what trauma would Anu Malik have gone through, listening to his own voice on a daily basis!

When the movie progressed and I realised that the premise was so flimsy, I lost all respect for the protagonist. If you’re going to build your life around some stupid advice given by your college canteen owner, well, you’re not my Rockstar.

 

Logical Loopholes: ‘Rockstar’ had logical holes the size of meteors. Take for example how the girl he hangs out with gets married in the Czech Republic. In a few months, Jordan is selected to participate in a foreign tour (even though he is not a star). And where should he go for the tour? Take a wild guess? Czech Republic. Bingo!! And then, while over there, the way he randomly bumps into her without an address or phone number, you would think the entire Czech Republic was the size of Sikkim.

And how when Jordan gets arrested for breaking into Heer’s house and comes back, and the entire country’s media is making a huge hue and cry about it. Really, man? I mean, in a country where a woman is raped every 34 minutes, who would give a fuck about some not-famous singer getting sent back to India?

And what about that scene where she spends time with him and we are told that her ‘blood count is improving’. Fuck doctors and medical science, the guy has curing auras around him.

Nitpicking, I am, you say? Well, if I had to stretch my imagination, I could have as well watched ‘Golmaal’ or ‘Rowdy Rathore’, right? Why watch an Imtiaz Ali film?

 

Pain and angst: for what??

I didn’t understand what was the pain and angst that Jordan was going through. For one, it seemed fake.

Did he expect the girl to cancel her marriage and run away with him? The film would have ended in half an hour. She is married to someone else, you go make out with her, get her pregnant when she is suffering from a terminal illness, and then wail and cry like you have been wronged. Give me a break.

The whole image of the angry, troubled rockstar has been a stereotype for decades now, and no one wants to change it. Can’t we, after all these years, accept a normal, smiling rockstar who is good at what he does, and is not a psycho?

I remember, more than a decade ago, there was a song by Sonu Nigam called ‘Tu’. In the video, Sonu Nigam played some sort of a rockstar. He is shown to be angsty, and rough and tough (even though he went on to play Sunny Deol’s younger sister in Jaani Dushman – Ek Anokhi Kahaani).

Even though he was a lovable host of India’s most popular TV show, I wondered why he had to play a smoking, angry rockstar in the video. Now, I understand.

We need the pain and the angst. How else do we show that the hero is going through a metamorphosis? The cheapest trick in the book, in a country that releases more than a thousand films a year, is to show that the girl caused the guy immeasurable pain and grief.

Not something I’d expect from an Imtiaz Ali film.

And that’s why I thought that Rockstar was a crappy film.