Rakhi ka Insaaf

Growing up, Raksha Bandhan wasn’t such a big deal, more so in a boarding school. You were told stories of Krishna and Subhadra, and when you got rakhis from home, the teachers would tie them to your hands. If the rakhis came off sometime during the day, you’d approach a friend to tie it back on, and he’d promise to protect and take care of you.

It was only later that I realised that Raksha Bandhan is actually quite a big deal. Especially after Dairy Milk made those ads for Raksha Bandhan. I never understood why those Dairy Milk ads are considered go great. And now they have ads for every occasion – childbirth, passing an exam, Diwali, and Raksha Bandhan. And once Dairy Milk makes an ad, you’re not Indian enough if you don’t do it.

So Raksha Bandhan has become an event to buy some chocolates and fleece some money, depending on your gender. But a rakhi is not just a symbol for protection. If used judiciously, it is the greatest weapon in the hands of a girl.

In India, a girl is subjected to cheesy lines, eveteasing, and ‘fraandship’ requests throughout the year. After all this, Raksha Bandhan is retribution day for girls.

Is a guy hitting on you? Want to get rid of him once and for all?

Buy a rakhi and tie it to his wrist. Preferably in front of other people, and you’ve sealed the deal. Even if the guy forgets it and starts hitting on you back again, his friends will remind him that he is your brother!

I know guys on whom rakhis have worked wonders. The guy would hit shamelessly on the girl, and then on that fateful day, the girl would tie a rakhi to him. Bas. The guy would stop hitting on her with immediate effect. Not only would he stop looking at the girl “us nazar se”, he’d stop others from doing so.

“Abey kya kar raha yaar? Behen hai woh, meri” With one swipe, you have wiped off an entire group of perverts.

This transformation from hounddog to protective brother, just by tieing a thread, has always amazed me.

However, there is no guarantee that you can go and tie a rakhi to all the perverts in the world. The internet has a fix for that too. You need to follow three simple steps to achieve the desired result:

1. Log in to Facebook.

2. Download an image of a nice, big, shiny rakhi from the internet

3. Tag all the morons hitting on you.

Every year on Raksha Bandhan, there is one custom I follow. Log in to facebook, check who all have tagged you on rakhis, and “remove tag” from all the online rakhis. There is no shame in admitting to it, we all go through it. Statistics have revealed that at any given point of time, there are at least seven people in the world who think you are hitting on them.

The trick is not to panic, stay calm, and untag yourself. Unless of course, you have received a rakhi from Rakhi herself. Then, you need help.

But if you are a girl, and know how to use it judiciously, a rakhi can ward off evil eyes from evil guys. Happy Raksha Bandhan!