Rakesh Roshan’s movies were always about the underdog. Be it Kaho na Pyar Hai, where a dead Rohit comes back to life, or a Koi mil Gaya, where a challenged person becomes a stud, or Khoon Bhari Maang, where crocodiles do not like the taste of Rekha, and whatever is left of her goes on to kick Kabir Bedi’s arse. It was always about the underdog.
Sadly, ‘Kites’ is the story of an over-bitch. Hrithik is ‘J’, a person who marries girls to give them Green Cards. We are told he has married 11 girls already, and the American police (the worst portrayal of cops in a movie. The guys give Indian cops a superiority complex with their inefficiencies) have no clue about it whatsoever. He also works in some sort of nightclub (he is a good dancer. How else do they show his skills?) and his eyes set on Kangana Ranaut (who has mastered the role of the screaming, psycho woman). Then, he meets Barbara Mori.
Ah! Barbara Mori. Kahaan gayi sex-appeal tori? For the last six months, we were told incessantly about the goddess that she is. I had never heard of her earlier, and had this image of piping hot sexy sultry seductress.
Sad thing is, she is not all that sexy. The Chemistry between the leads is interesting as Social Science. Well, anyway, so J falls for her and they run away after J has rescued her from her inhumane, physically abusive boyfriend. They set off on a trip across the deserts of Mexico, beating the cops each and every time.
‘Kites’ is the KLPD movie of the year. There is nothing new in the movie, ridden with so many stereotypes, you will feel have a future in Astrology. Cars are blown up, but that has been done to death in ‘Race’ and Rohit Shetty’s films. So, while the cast move from one cliche to another, their story ends with the biggest cliche, that of their atmas meeting in water after their shedding their mortal coils.
The cinematography is superb, but that’s the only good part. I wonder what Papa Roshan was doing with his three co-writers. The film has nothing new to speak of, including those slo-mo moments with loud background music. The performances are nothing to speak of. Hrithik flares his nostrils, and when he does that, you know its bad news for the viewer. Barbara Mori looks good at times, but nothing to steal your heart away. The villians in the movie are a joke, looking as dangerous as GI Joe toys. Kangana Ranaut plays the psychotic, screaming role yet again, and seems believable because she has done it so many times, you feel that is how she is in real life too.
Director Anurag Basu ( I wonder what is the hype about him. Gangster was the only decent film, provided you managed to stay awake for the first two light years of the film) successfully manages to make a mess of what could have been a crossover film. While we are pandering to American audiences shamelessly, they will view it and laugh it off as another silly melodramatic Hindi film.
Watching ‘Kites’ is a bit like eating Pani Puri in KFC. It may be more hygienic and classy, but who cares?
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